The Democrats are poised to retake Congress and fix everything.
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It's the Onion Radio News. This is Doyle Redland reporting.
Democratic leaders say that as soon as they regain control of the U.S. Congress, the sun will shine again, soft soothing rains will fall upon our crops and flowers will bloom year round.
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reed:
"All Americans will be greeted each morning by the most beautiful rainbow they've ever seen."
Reed says that while taxes may increase slightly after the election, the effect will be mitigated by the gold coins and naked ladies that will begin drifting down from the sky above.
Doyle Redland for the Onion Radio News.
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